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Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Feeling Hopeless

Today was a very bad day.  I had my first real test of my resolve to stay smoke free, and the good news is that I have passed the far.  I have been so motivated and energized this month to get myself healthy and into shape.  I stopped drinking my most loved Mountain Dew and switched to diet, knocking 5000 calories a week out of my diet.  Then I started buying different, healthier foods, started making better choices and watched my intake.  When I went to the doctor today for a completely different reason I was smacked in the face with the fact that all my efforts have been futile.  In the 3 weeks since I was last in to the doctor and got weighed, I have actually gained 2 pounds!!!!  :(  Part of me wonders if it is fair for me to depend on one weigh-in since everyone's weight fluctuates.  Also, is it because it's "that time" of the month for me?  Ladies out there, you know how the bloating and water weight sets in around then.  It was so depressing.  I held it together for a while.  Just for a while.

My doctor then suggested a low/no carb diet.  I told him there is no way on God's green earth that I can maintain that lifestyle.  It would work for a few weeks or even a few months, but then I would gain it all right back plus some more for good measure.  And, I want to get my family on board with healthy eating, and cutting out everyone's carbs would only wreak havoc on them and they would rebel and declare mutiny.

Since that is out of the question for me, and my way isn't seeming to be working, he handed me a pamphlet on the Lap Band.  Yes, surgery.  I am so fat that my doctor is recommending drastic surgery to correct the problem.  How depressing is that?  I feel so hopeless.  Now, my husband says that I am sedentary and I will not lose weight until I start moving.  I have a pair of sneakers on order that shipped today that I should get next week and I can start a walking program for myself.  That's all well and good except the information I found on the 'net said that according to my current weight, height and age, I should eat X number of calories a day and still expect to lose a pound a week even though I have a sedentary life.

I also have to take into consideration that the 2nd week of my changes was the week I quit smoking with Chantix and I probably ate more than I realized.  I have since started keeping a daily log of what I eat to help combat that.  Maybe that 2nd week of making one miraculous change in my life (i.e., quit smoking) messed up the changes in my other, secondary-for-the-moment changes (i.e., diet).  I don't know.  All I know is that I held it together long enough to get home and then the waterworks began and I had a long, hysterical cry over the depressing news.

The only good note from doctor listened to my lungs and said they sound remarkably good.  Feeling sad, hopeless and very discouraged.

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