Chantix Diary Day 5

I have no signs of any bad psychiatric side affects to worsen my bipolar-ness or my schizzo-affective disorder.  Great news!  Let's keep that theme going as I continue.  The other day I said it seemed as if I was smoking more.  I actually wasn't.  I signed up for the Get Quit internet support program and they give daily homework assignments.  One of them was to keep track of every time I smoked and what was going on or what I was feeling at the time and then write it down.  When I started taking Chantix I was up to almost 1 pack a day.  When I took a look at what I was doing on day 3, I only smoked 10 cigarettes the whole day.  I think what might have been happening is that each time I smoked after starting this program, I was fully aware of what I was doing and it seemed like a whole lot.  I think that although I was smoking more before I started, I wasn't paying any attention to what I was doing and did it only half-consciously.  Does that make sense?

I still crave, although I can go longer periods in between when I feel like I "have" to have one.  Another thing that I have heard so much is that many people practically quit before their quit day because the cigarettes start tasting bad.  I have not had that happen yet, although I wish it would.

I'm still a little panicky about the whole quit day thing.  I was invited to go to a monthly "sweepers" meeting this Saturday.  I immediately thought...I don't know if I can do that right on my first day of no cigarettes!  I thought about the looooong car drive there and back, plus the eating in between.  After a few minutes of high anxiety I started thinking rationally.  The drive each way is only 20 minutes.  Although one of my biggest triggers and one of the places where I "have" to smoke is in the car, surely I can put off for just 20 minutes there and 20 minutes back, right?  I'm thinking I can do it.

Chantix Day 2

Well, it seemed as if I have been smoking even more, but I think that's all psychological.  I mean, I've only taken 1/2 mg for 2 days so I'm thinking that could not be near enough to have any weird affects on me.  I had a little conversation with myself about why I was going outside more frequently the past 2 days.  Is it because I'm a little panicky that my quit date is coming and I have to get in more while I can?  That thought made me think a little.  The thing is, when I am smoking I'm not feeling any satisfaction from it.  Maybe those nicotine receptors in my brain are getting blocked?  If I'm not getting any satisfaction from it, is there any real reason to keep on doing it? After I had those thoughts I successfully and almost painlessly passed up a smoke on two big triggers....after eating, and during half time of a basketball game.  A break in the action usually means a break for me too.  I did have 1/2 of one after I woke up from a nap, but, again it didn't really do anything for me.  I have a slight headache, but other than that, nothing new to report.  I'm still really optimistic that this will work.

I also signed up for the Chantix Get Quit help website program thing.  Today I am keeping track of whenever I smoke and what I was doing when I decided to go smoke.  

Starting Chantix Program

It's been a long time since I've written anything.  First, before I talk about Chantix, I had a wonderful night a few weeks ago.  My son and I mended our fences, and all 4 of my kids were together!  Here are some pics...

Sami, Tyler, Sara and Matthew

Sami showing off her beautiful smile.

Tyler and his girlfriend, Michelle.

It was a very happy night.

Now, about the smoking.  I have been smoking for a total of 17 years!  Ugh!  I did stop in the middle for 12 years, but started back up 8 years ago.  Right now I'm at just under 1 pack a day.  It's horrible.  It makes me stink, my car stinks, my teeth aren't shiny, my husband is not a smoker and he complains aaaalllll the time.  My kids hate it.  I wheeze when I breathe.  The doctor just gave me an inhaler to help my breathing.  That's getting bad.  But there's still time for me.  I just had a few xrays and tests done and I do not have lung, lymph node or breast cancer.  That's great news!  I was really worried about that for a long time.

I have tried lots of things to try to stop smoking before.  I quit for 12 years when I got hypnotized...the "real" way.  Not this bull crap "guided imagery" they try to pass off as hypnosis these days.  I have tried that about 5 times and it does not work.  I've tried nicotine gum.  It helped slightly, but not really.  And I've tried going cold turkey.  That didn't work out at all.  I've also given electronic cigarettes a go.  No go. Now I'm at my wit's end.  I hate smoking, and I've got to stop!

The Chantix is very expensive, and I was pretty shocked.  It was $191 for what will last me 33 days.  Yikes! My husband about had a coronary.  Oh, here's a little side story.  He says, "You've tried all kinds of ways to stop smoking and it's cost a ton of money."  And he was not excited about spending more money on another "cure".  I said to him, "If you had a disease and the doctor gave you a medicine and it didn't work, would you give up and live with the disease or would you spend money on another medicine until you found one that worked?"  He didn't say much after that.

Ok, so what I'm going to do is check in every couple of days and give a run down on how it's going.  One concern I have is that I am a psychiatric patient, diagnosed and being treated for bipolar disorder, depression and schizzo-affective disorder.  Chantix can make symptoms worse in psychiatric patients, so I have to keep a real good eye on how my moods are doing.  Hopefully I'll be one of those that never experiences those problems.  Say some prayers and send some encouraging thoughts my way.  I took my first 1/2 mg tablet tonight.  My official Stop Date is February 11, 2012.