Chantix Diary Quit Day 2

Morning

Mornings are the most difficult time for me.  I am feeling anxious and a little jittery.  I keep reminding myself how proud of myself I was yesterday and how excited my kids were.  Trying to take slow deep breaths to relax.  Took an anxiety pill along with my Chantix and it's starting to make me feel a little sleepy.

I still have none of the bad side affects, such as the worsening of mental health symptoms.  I'm grateful for that!  If anything I have been feeling more on the energetic and manic side rather than depressed and suicidal.  Some people complain of nausea, and I have not experienced that either.  I have been careful to always take the Chantix with a meal.  Except this morning I didn't so we'll see what happens.

My kids are so very proud of me.  Their smiles, hugs and high fives are the best reward and support I can get.  I have learned that my carbon monoxide levels have gone to normal.  My oxygen levels have reached normal. The damage to my skin has stopped.  And already my chance of a heart attack has decreased.  Those are big changes!  Now I just need to get all those crappy chemicals out of my system.  Trying to stay hydrated.

I may go back to bed for a bit and hopefully relax through my morning struggles.

Afternoon

My afternoon consisted of going to get our taxes done and grocery shopping at Wal-Mart and then finishing the groceries at Fry's.  It's been a busy day.  I must admit that today is more difficult than yesterday, but it is not impossible.  I have had strong urges, but they go away within a couple minutes.  I think I'm feeling some withdrawal symptoms...cranky, headache and that kind of thing.  A little jittery, too.

I noticed that today though sometimes when I was driving I realized I hadn't thought about a cigarette in a while.  Then I have to give myself a pat on the back.  Then there was the incident in the Wal-Mart parking lot.  You have to understand that for several years I was so agoraphobic that I was shut in my bedroom most of the time.  Shopping has always been the biggest challenge for me.  So here I am at Wal-Mart, leaving to go to my car.  Before I get out the door the cashier comes yelling after me...I forgot a bag of groceries on the turn table.  Then less than a minute later she comes running out again chasing me in the parking...I forgot another bag of groceries!  Where is my head????

So I am a little flustered already and then...I can't find my car!  I walked up the aisle I thought it was on, and nope, no car.  hmmmm...maybe it was one over.  So I go over to the next aisle.  Still no car.  My panic and anxiety are rapidly rising to intolerable levels.  I went all the way back down the aisle and over a couple and started up.  I took my keys out and pushed my lock button to see if I could hear the horn.  It doesn't work from very far away, so I have to be pretty close to hear it.  Finally I heard the faint beep beep of my horn.  So I followed the sound of the horn, and I'm sure the people around me must have thought I was crazy.  (Well, as a matter of fact I am.  hehehe.)  I finally found my car and got my groceries loaded.  This is the part where I would normally be so flustered and upset that the first thing I would reach for was a cigarette.  I took some deep breaths (and btw, it's amazing how quickly the lungs can clear up to be able to take those deep breaths).  In with the good air...out with the bad.  Even though some very tempting thoughts crossed my mind to go buy a pack, other thoughts quickly took over, such as "I don't want to be disappointed in myself."  "I don't want my family to be disappointed in me."  "I don't want to stink up myself and my car" (I just put an air freshener in it to perk it up and cover up some of the smoke smell.)  "I was so excited yesterday and I want to keep that feeling."  Those thoughts took over, and I made it through a very stressful situation without a cigarette!

This is some huge progress for me!  I think I'll have some tempting situations, but I think I have proven to myself that I can do it.  If I fail it's only because I let myself fail.  I have realized that cigarettes do NOT have a vice grip on me and I CAN say no.

I'm going to go take a little rest  before I make a huge meal of pork chops, mashed potatoes, corn, and gravy.  I won't write anymore tonight.  I think I've got a grip on the day, and the rest of the night I am just staying home.  I think I can congratulate myself on another successful day!!!