Indigo Days

Feeling Hopeless

2012-02-22T15:43:00.000-08:00

Today was a very bad day. I had my first real test of my resolve to stay smoke free, and the good news is that I have passed the test...so far. I have been so motivated and energized this month to get myself healthy and into shape. I stopped drinking my most loved Mountain Dew and switched to diet, knocking 5000 calories a week out of my diet. Then I started buying different, healthier foods, started making better choices and watched my intake. When I went to the doctor today for a completely different reason I was smacked in the face with the fact that all my efforts have been futile. In the 3 weeks since I was last in to the doctor and got weighed, I have actually gained 2 pounds!!!! :( Part of me wonders if it is fair for me to depend on one weigh-in since everyone's weight fluctuates. Also, is it because it's "that time" of the month for me? Ladies out there, you know how the bloating and water weight sets in around then. It was so depressing. I held it together for a while. Just for a while.

My doctor then suggested a low/no carb diet. I told him there is no way on God's green earth that I can maintain that lifestyle. It would work for a few weeks or even a few months, but then I would gain it all right back plus some more for good measure. And, I want to get my family on board with healthy eating, and cutting out everyone's carbs would only wreak havoc on them and they would rebel and declare mutiny.

Since that is out of the question for me, and my way isn't seeming to be working, he handed me a pamphlet on the Lap Band. Yes, surgery. I am so fat that my doctor is recommending drastic surgery to correct the problem. How depressing is that? I feel so hopeless. Now, my husband says that I am sedentary and I will not lose weight until I start moving. I have a pair of sneakers on order that shipped today that I should get next week and I can start a walking program for myself. That's all well and good except the information I found on the 'net said that according to my current weight, height and age, I should eat X number of calories a day and still expect to lose a pound a week even though I have a sedentary life.

I also have to take into consideration that the 2nd week of my changes was the week I quit smoking with Chantix and I probably ate more than I realized. I have since started keeping a daily log of what I eat to help combat that. Maybe that 2nd week of making one miraculous change in my life (i.e., quit smoking) messed up the changes in my other, secondary-for-the-moment changes (i.e., diet). I don't know. All I know is that I held it together long enough to get home and then the waterworks began and I had a long, hysterical cry over the depressing news.

The only good note from today...my doctor listened to my lungs and said they sound remarkably good. Feeling sad, hopeless and very discouraged.

Healthy Nutty Brown Rice...A Must Try!

2012-02-20T18:13:00.000-08:00

If you have been reading any of my Chantix Diary, you'll already know that I'm on a mission to get myself and my family healthier. I have been looking for new and appealing recipes that I can make for my family that will go over well. Tonight I had a real winner that you have GOT to try! Unfortunately, I didn't write down the website I found the original recipe on, but I'm going to give you my modifications anyways.

First, for the protein, though I simply made lemon pepper chicken. I put some olive oil in a bowl with a few shakes of garlic powder and a fair amount of Mrs. Dash salt-free lemon pepper blend seasoning. I cut the chicken breasts into pieces about 2 - 2.5 inches, put it in the bowl and stirred it all around to coat it with the oil and seasoning. Then I just threw it in a pan and baked it at 375 for about 40 minutes. That's it. Easy Peasy.

Then, for the rice. This was the really good part. I bought a bag of broccoli slaw from the section of the grocery store that sells pre-made/pre-cut bags of salad. It has (obviously) broccoli, carrots and purple cabbage nicely shredded. I did give it a quick rough chop to make the pieces a little smaller. btw, I'm going to tell you the amounts I used to feed my family of 5, but it will actually feed 6. You can adjust from there. I put just a couple tablespoons of olive oil in the pot and threw in 2 one-handed handfuls of broccoli slaw (maybe 2 cups?). I cooked it on medium high heat for about 2 minutes. Then I put in a couple shakes of red pepper flakes (but it could have used more...maybe 1 teaspoon or so). I added 3-4 tablespoons each of almond slivers and sunflower seeds. I cooked it for another 2 minutes or so to give the almonds a little color. But the vegetables still were a little crunchy...don't overcook them. Put this mixture in a bowl and set aside.

Then I followed the directions on the box of 10 minute instant brown rice. I used 2.25 cups of chicken broth, and got that boiling and I added a couple more shakes of red pepper flakes. But I have to tell you that I barely noticed any kick at all, so it could have used more. I added 3 cups of dry brown rice and covered and simmered for 5 minutes. Then I stirred in the vegetables and seeds mixture, covered it back up, took it off the heat and let it steam for another 5 minutes. Fluff with a fork and serve.

I have to tell you it was absolutely delicious! My husband and kids ate it right up and told me again (they tell me on a regular basis :) that I should be on "Chopped". It has a wonderful crunchy texture and nutty flavor. It's so good. Try it! I bet your family likes it as much as mine!

Healthy and nutty brown rice with veggies...yum!

As for my quit smoking journey, I am doing great. Now that I think about it I hardly thought about smoking at all today. It's getting easier and easier every day. My attitude has become positive, my motivation to be healthy is high, my energy is returning. It's all great! And still no bad side effects from the Chantix. It is now 1 week and 2 days smoke free!

Chantix Diary Day 8 -- One Week!!!

2012-02-18T07:58:00.000-08:00

Yea me!!!

Wow! I've completed an entire week of not smoking! Unless you've smoked a really long time and quit yourself you have no idea how good this feels. My oldest daughter said she would consider me a non-smoker when I've gone a week. It's one thing to be proud of your kids. But to have your kids be proud of you...that's an amazing feeling! She even told her friends at school. It's kind of a big deal to me because Sami is 16 and not very demonstrative with the family. So with her being proud enough of me to tell her friends...very big deal.

I have to admit that sometimes I still have cravings...even within the last few minutes. I don't suppose that's going to go away instantly. Sometimes the urges are stronger than others, but they never last for very long. I just have to find something to do to occupy my mind and my hands and it passes within a few minutes.

Besides being able to breathe better, here's another benefit to being a non-smoker: my husband hugs me closer and tighter! The smell always offended him, but now I smell good and he likes to get close. That's a great perk!

I still have not had any bad side effects from taking the Chantix. All is well in my brain...or at least as well as it was when I started. lol

Now, since I'm getting healthier with quitting smoking, my next thing to tackle is my weight. My new general practice doctor that I started seeing seems to know more about my psychiatric medications than my psychiatrist does. Turns out that one of the meds I'm on has another use...they give it to anorexia patients to make them crave sugary carbs in order to gain weight! Holly sheet! That could explain a few things. About a month ago I switched to drinking diet Mountain Dew, which instantly took about 5,000 calories a week out of my diet. I feel great about that and my doctor was very proud of me for it. But I know I still have things I need to work on.

I don't want to go on any fad diets. I don't want to do Atkin's again. I don't want to count points. I want to make gradual lifestyle changes that my whole family can adopt and maintain for the long run. Since I stopped smoking I now have an extra $25 a week that I can spend on healthier foods, like fresh fruits and vegetables. This week the change I'm going to make is a switch to brown rice and using olive oil. I found a brown rice recipe that sounds absolutely delicious that I'm going to try. It's got shredded carrots and zucchini, sunflower seeds, almond slivers, and red pepper flakes. I read the reviews from people who have tried it and they were glowing. Some of them made their own little modifications like adding different vegetables or different nuts. Some added onion or garlic. I'm going to try it as is first, and then I'll decide if I want to modify next time. I rarely fry my foods, but I decided I should splurge on the much more expensive olive oil for those times that I do. These are two healthy but easy changes that I can make and maintain. Oh, and I forgot. A few weeks ago I also converted my family to eating whole wheat pasta. They love it! And at Super Wal-Mart it costs about the same as regular pasta. Another easy change! I've used the whole wheat for spaghetti, tuna noodle casserole and even one of our favorites, bowtie pasta salad. Now I don't feel as bad about eating pasta.

My doctor told me I need to stay away from potatoes. That will be a tough one. It will take a while to work on that one I think. I found an interesting recipe for mashed cauliflower that is like mashed potatoes. Maybe with some garlic and a little cheese it might be pretty good. One of these days I'll try that one.

But a few other problem areas are: cereal, portion size, snacks, I like to bake treats, and I don't eat regularly throughout the day. I'll work on all these a little at a time.

Also, since I can breathe better I am now motivated to start walking and getting a little exercise. I don't have sneakers, and it's hard to find shoes for me because my feet are very wide. But I discovered a brand online through Woman Within, an awesome plus size site, that is also sold at Sear's called Propet. They have W and extra W widths. When our tax refund comes in I'm going to go get a pair. And literally start walking my butt off! :)

Chantix Diary Quit Day 5

2012-02-15T04:40:00.000-08:00

I am still smoke-free! There have been urges, yes, but I have been able to work my way through them unlike any other time I had tried to quit. The Chantix really does make those urges bearable. It's roughest for me in the mornings, and in the afternoons when I'm bored. Being bored is the worst. One of the places I had smoked the most was in the car while I was driving. Now, it's just the opposite. I got a nice cherry lemonade air freshener in my car to make it smell nice, and while I'm driving is probably now the time when I think about smoking the least. Weird.

Before if I had an urge it would be so powerful and actually physically painful that I could not resist it. Now when I have an urge it's more of an irritant that I wish would leave my brain. I know I don't want to smoke, and I know I'm not going to give in, so there's no need to have those thoughts, right? Makes sense to me. But I still have them anyways.

I have to tell you how nice it is to be able to breathe. Here it is 5:20a.m. and I'm tired and just yawned. I could feel the air go way down deep and fill up my lungs. What a nice feeling. I also had a horrible wheeze. When I laid down or anything I had this horrible squeak, or sometimes a deep rumbling every time I inhaled and exhaled. Now it's gone. Well, I'm sure I probably still have a wheeze deep down in there, but I can't hear it anymore. Thankfully, because all that noise sure did make it hard to fall asleep at night! I am also coughing less and less each day. When I coughed before sometimes it was so bad my youngest daughter would get scared that I was going to die.

I still have not had any bad side effects. Yesterday I was feeling very paranoid, but I'm sure that was because I heard my front door handle jiggle, and then after that I was super sensitive to every single noise. So I don't think the paranoia was because of the Chantix. I'm sure it was just me being nervous about being home alone.

So here I am, early in the morning on Quit Day 5, and I'm feeling pretty good about things!

Chantix Diary Quit Day 2

2012-02-12T16:07:00.000-08:00

Morning

Mornings are the most difficult time for me. I am feeling anxious and a little jittery. I keep reminding myself how proud of myself I was yesterday and how excited my kids were. Trying to take slow deep breaths to relax. Took an anxiety pill along with my Chantix and it's starting to make me feel a little sleepy.

I still have none of the bad side affects, such as the worsening of mental health symptoms. I'm grateful for that! If anything I have been feeling more on the energetic and manic side rather than depressed and suicidal. Some people complain of nausea, and I have not experienced that either. I have been careful to always take the Chantix with a meal. Except this morning I didn't so we'll see what happens.

My kids are so very proud of me. Their smiles, hugs and high fives are the best reward and support I can get. I have learned that my carbon monoxide levels have gone to normal. My oxygen levels have reached normal. The damage to my skin has stopped. And already my chance of a heart attack has decreased. Those are big changes! Now I just need to get all those crappy chemicals out of my system. Trying to stay hydrated.

I may go back to bed for a bit and hopefully relax through my morning struggles.

Afternoon

My afternoon consisted of going to get our taxes done and grocery shopping at Wal-Mart and then finishing the groceries at Fry's. It's been a busy day. I must admit that today is more difficult than yesterday, but it is not impossible. I have had strong urges, but they go away within a couple minutes. I think I'm feeling some withdrawal symptoms...cranky, headache and that kind of thing. A little jittery, too.

I noticed that today though sometimes when I was driving I realized I hadn't thought about a cigarette in a while. Then I have to give myself a pat on the back. Then there was the incident in the Wal-Mart parking lot. You have to understand that for several years I was so agoraphobic that I was shut in my bedroom most of the time. Shopping has always been the biggest challenge for me. So here I am at Wal-Mart, leaving to go to my car. Before I get out the door the cashier comes yelling after me...I forgot a bag of groceries on the turn table. Then less than a minute later she comes running out again chasing me in the parking...I forgot another bag of groceries! Where is my head????

So I am a little flustered already and then...I can't find my car! I walked up the aisle I thought it was on, and nope, no car. hmmmm...maybe it was one over. So I go over to the next aisle. Still no car. My panic and anxiety are rapidly rising to intolerable levels. I went all the way back down the aisle and over a couple and started up. I took my keys out and pushed my lock button to see if I could hear the horn. It doesn't work from very far away, so I have to be pretty close to hear it. Finally I heard the faint beep beep of my horn. So I followed the sound of the horn, and I'm sure the people around me must have thought I was crazy. (Well, as a matter of fact I am. hehehe.) I finally found my car and got my groceries loaded. This is the part where I would normally be so flustered and upset that the first thing I would reach for was a cigarette. I took some deep breaths (and btw, it's amazing how quickly the lungs can clear up to be able to take those deep breaths). In with the good air...out with the bad. Even though some very tempting thoughts crossed my mind to go buy a pack, other thoughts quickly took over, such as "I don't want to be disappointed in myself." "I don't want my family to be disappointed in me." "I don't want to stink up myself and my car" (I just put an air freshener in it to perk it up and cover up some of the smoke smell.) "I was so excited yesterday and I want to keep that feeling." Those thoughts took over, and I made it through a very stressful situation without a cigarette!

This is some huge progress for me! I think I'll have some tempting situations, but I think I have proven to myself that I can do it. If I fail it's only because I let myself fail. I have realized that cigarettes do NOT have a vice grip on me and I CAN say no.

I'm going to go take a little rest before I make a huge meal of pork chops, mashed potatoes, corn, and gravy. I won't write anymore tonight. I think I've got a grip on the day, and the rest of the night I am just staying home. I think I can congratulate myself on another successful day!!!

Chantix Diary Day 8 -- Quit Day!

2012-02-11T17:24:00.000-08:00

I'll write throughout the day, partly as therapy for myself, and also to give a rundown on how the whole day goes.

Morning

Bleary eyed, I woke up thinking I need to go outside and have a cigarette. But then I remembered. Today I become a non-smoker. It was an exciting thought, but scary at he same time. I sat down at my computer and there was an email waiting for me from Chantix' "Get Quit" program. They send activities to do every day in preparation of your quit day and also on following through the program. They really do help. Today's activity was to make a 24 hour action plan. Divided into morning, afternoon, evening and night, I selected triggers from a drop down (that I created a previous day) and then select from a drop down what I will do to get past the urge and craving (that list I also created on a previous activity). So I printed it out and I will keep it with me. Then when I'm not thinking real clearly I can just refer to my 24 hour action plan.

I'm going to do my best to keep myself busy today. I am going to start off with doing all my online contests. That usually takes about 2 hours. I have to drive my daughter and her friend to the mall, and that's going to be one of my biggest challenges. A few hours later I have to pick them up and take Sami to an eye doctor appointment. Another challenge because while she's looking for frames I usually go outside and have a smoke. Not today.

I feel pretty good. My head isn't spinning like it usually does when I haven't had my nicotine. I'm thinking about it a little obsessively, but I think that is probably normal for most people. After all, this is a MAJOR life change. I admit I also took a 1mg Clonapin, an anti-anxiety pill to help me through. All right, I'll check back in a bit later.

Afternoon

I made it past morning!!!! Yea for me! I have been smoke free for more than 12 hours now, and it feels great already. I have to admit that I am still thinking about it, but I'm not obsessing or jonesing and telling myself all the reasons I should give up and go buy a pack. No, it's more of just thoughts, like I should be doing something..."oh, yeah. I'm supposed to be smoking. Smoking sounds good. No it doesn't. I don't smoke anymore!" That's kind of some of the internal dialogue that has been going on.

I kept busy this morning by making two batches of the most delicious peanut butter granola clusters. They have (of course) peanut butter, honey, a smidge of butter, rice krispies, rolled oats, a variety of dried fruits (peaches, apricots, cranberries and apples) as well as cruncy banana chips chopped up in the blender. Then, just for good measure, I added some chopped up chocolate chips. They are so good! I can't get enough. Super easy, too! These are going to be in our house quite a bit from now on I think.

Now, in a few minutes I have to get in the car (that smells like smoke) and drive my daughter to the mall and come home again, alone with my thoughts, driving past several Circle K's. I can do it!

Evening

Here it is, a little after 6p.m., and I HAVEN'T SMOKED!!!!! I have driven in my car without smoking several times. I even went into the Circle K, bought a diet Mountain Dew thirstbuster and NO smokes!!! I am so dang proud of myself. Holy crow I can't believe this is actually working. I just can't get over it. I have a slight headache, but it doesn't seem that so far I have had any bad side affects from the Chantix. I'll keep my eye on that, though. I have thoughts about it, but they are just thoughts and not overly obsessive. They come and they go. I even sat with my daughter at the eye doctor for over an hour and a half and I did just fine! Had my diet soda with me and just took a drink when I felt like I needed to keep my hands and mouth busy doing something. I have no doubts I will do just fine the rest of the night. I can't wait for Quit Day 2!

Chantix Diary Day 5

2012-02-07T05:32:00.000-08:00

I have no signs of any bad psychiatric side affects to worsen my bipolar-ness or my schizzo-affective disorder. Great news! Let's keep that theme going as I continue. The other day I said it seemed as if I was smoking more. I actually wasn't. I signed up for the Get Quit internet support program and they give daily homework assignments. One of them was to keep track of every time I smoked and what was going on or what I was feeling at the time and then write it down. When I started taking Chantix I was up to almost 1 pack a day. When I took a look at what I was doing on day 3, I only smoked 10 cigarettes the whole day. I think what might have been happening is that each time I smoked after starting this program, I was fully aware of what I was doing and it seemed like a whole lot. I think that although I was smoking more before I started, I wasn't paying any attention to what I was doing and did it only half-consciously. Does that make sense?

I still crave, although I can go longer periods in between when I feel like I "have" to have one. Another thing that I have heard so much is that many people practically quit before their quit day because the cigarettes start tasting bad. I have not had that happen yet, although I wish it would.

I'm still a little panicky about the whole quit day thing. I was invited to go to a monthly "sweepers" meeting this Saturday. I immediately thought...I don't know if I can do that right on my first day of no cigarettes! I thought about the looooong car drive there and back, plus the eating in between. After a few minutes of high anxiety I started thinking rationally. The drive each way is only 20 minutes. Although one of my biggest triggers and one of the places where I "have" to smoke is in the car, surely I can put off for just 20 minutes there and 20 minutes back, right? I'm thinking I can do it.

Chantix Day 2

2012-02-04T13:45:00.000-08:00

Well, it seemed as if I have been smoking even more, but I think that's all psychological. I mean, I've only taken 1/2 mg for 2 days so I'm thinking that could not be near enough to have any weird affects on me. I had a little conversation with myself about why I was going outside more frequently the past 2 days. Is it because I'm a little panicky that my quit date is coming and I have to get in more while I can? That thought made me think a little. The thing is, when I am smoking I'm not feeling any satisfaction from it. Maybe those nicotine receptors in my brain are getting blocked? If I'm not getting any satisfaction from it, is there any real reason to keep on doing it? After I had those thoughts I successfully and almost painlessly passed up a smoke on two big triggers....after eating, and during half time of a basketball game. A break in the action usually means a break for me too. I did have 1/2 of one after I woke up from a nap, but, again it didn't really do anything for me. I have a slight headache, but other than that, nothing new to report. I'm still really optimistic that this will work.

I also signed up for the Chantix Get Quit help website program thing. Today I am keeping track of whenever I smoke and what I was doing when I decided to go smoke.

Starting Chantix Program

2012-02-02T19:01:00.000-08:00

It's been a long time since I've written anything. First, before I talk about Chantix, I had a wonderful night a few weeks ago. My son and I mended our fences, and all 4 of my kids were together! Here are some pics...

Sami, Tyler, Sara and Matthew

Sami showing off her beautiful smile.

Tyler and his girlfriend, Michelle.

It was a very happy night.

Now, about the smoking. I have been smoking for a total of 17 years! Ugh! I did stop in the middle for 12 years, but started back up 8 years ago. Right now I'm at just under 1 pack a day. It's horrible. It makes me stink, my car stinks, my teeth aren't shiny, my husband is not a smoker and he complains aaaalllll the time. My kids hate it. I wheeze when I breathe. The doctor just gave me an inhaler to help my breathing. That's getting bad. But there's still time for me. I just had a few xrays and tests done and I do not have lung, lymph node or breast cancer. That's great news! I was really worried about that for a long time.

I have tried lots of things to try to stop smoking before. I quit for 12 years when I got hypnotized...the "real" way. Not this bull crap "guided imagery" they try to pass off as hypnosis these days. I have tried that about 5 times and it does not work. I've tried nicotine gum. It helped slightly, but not really. And I've tried going cold turkey. That didn't work out at all. I've also given electronic cigarettes a go. No go. Now I'm at my wit's end. I hate smoking, and I've got to stop!

The Chantix is very expensive, and I was pretty shocked. It was $191 for what will last me 33 days. Yikes! My husband about had a coronary. Oh, here's a little side story. He says, "You've tried all kinds of ways to stop smoking and it's cost a ton of money." And he was not excited about spending more money on another "cure". I said to him, "If you had a disease and the doctor gave you a medicine and it didn't work, would you give up and live with the disease or would you spend money on another medicine until you found one that worked?" He didn't say much after that.

Ok, so what I'm going to do is check in every couple of days and give a run down on how it's going. One concern I have is that I am a psychiatric patient, diagnosed and being treated for bipolar disorder, depression and schizzo-affective disorder. Chantix can make symptoms worse in psychiatric patients, so I have to keep a real good eye on how my moods are doing. Hopefully I'll be one of those that never experiences those problems. Say some prayers and send some encouraging thoughts my way. I took my first 1/2 mg tablet tonight. My official Stop Date is February 11, 2012.

Let the Holidays Begin

2011-12-07T20:21:00.000-08:00

I love the holiday season. I love all the traditions, decorations, lights, family, Christmas, presents for the kids, baking...it's a month long festival that begins on Thanksgiving day. We traditionally put up our tree the Sunday after Thanksgiving. First, Jeff hangs the lights on the outside of the house. Then he puts together our tree. The branches get all scrunched from being in the box for a year, so I am the official "fluffer". This year I recruited Sara to learn "the art of fluffing". She did an excellent job!

After I fluff, Jeff puts on all the lights. Then the kids hang the ornaments. And it goes in the same order every year...first the clear balls that go on over the lights...it makes the tree look like it has brightly lit bubbles all over it. I love it. Then the kids put on the different colors of glass balls...only one casualty on the tile floor this year so far. After the plain glass ones they then put on the family ornaments. Jeff's mother usually gets each kid a "special" ornament each year for Christmas. She buys a lot of the Hallmark ornaments, and they are really nice. I am very happy with our tree. We leave it lit 24/7 and I get a smile every time I pass by it. I was a little sad about the photo because it just doesn't capture the sparkle of the tree very well, and you can't really see the brightly lit "bubbles", but here it is:

Sara really gets into the holiday spirit.

In addition to Christmas we have Sara's birthday on the December 11th. Her middle name is Noel, as her due date was Christmas Eve and she is a Christmas time baby. This year she's having her first "real" party with friends coming over and a huge day planned. She is getting a bounce house from 1-5. We'll have pizza when the bounce house goes, then we'll have cake and presents, and then the girls can play games until 8:00. Long day! She's so very excited. I'll post pics of her birthday afterwards.

Another big event....my girls both got their braces off on Monday! This was Sami's 2nd time getting them off because the first time one of her teeth went crooked again so she had to have them back on for another 6 months. This is also Sara's first go around with braces. This time around she had her palate spread and her front teeth pulled down and straightened to fix all the gaps and damage done to her teeth from her sucking her thumb until she was 5 or 6. ugh! If only I had known. She will wear a retainer during the night for about 2 years and then get a full set of braces to correct all her teeth when she's about 12. oy. But their teeth are gorgemous!

Sports are done for a few months...whew! Made it through another fall season! But we've had a lot of school activities to make up the difference. Matthew finished his Science Fair project tonight, and he is very proud of his work. His project question was "do different cheeses mold at different rates". His hypothesis was that out of cheddar, parmesan and pepper jack, the pepper jack would mold the fastest. And because I know you are just dying to know the answer, the pepper jack didn't mold one bit in 6 weeks. The cheddar molded in the 2nd week and produced lots of oils. The parmesan produced some oils and didn't mold until right at the end of week 6. So there you have it. We called it "Dairy Dairy Moldy Cheese" as a play on words for "very very moldy cheese". Here is a picture of Matthew with his project. And please ignore the sink of dishes in the background. lol

The other day I had another win. I won a Spiderman: Edge of Time game for the Xbox 360! We got it in the mail yesterday, so that is a $50 freebie going under the tree for Matthew. yea! The beginning of November I won a $100 gift card to Value City Furniture. I was pretty excited. Until I discovered that they don't have any stores anywhere near the state of Arizona and they don't sell over the internet. :( So I listed the gift card on eBay and sold it last night for $45. It would have been nice to be able to buy that nice lamp I had all picked out, but either I got to use $0 of the card or take the $45 and call it a day. And $45 was more than I started with, so I ended up being pretty happy. And the buyer got a great bargain. I also won a movie pass recently for a super nice theater chain here. Jeff received a gift from the football team for coaching...a $25 gift card to Outback. Between that and the one movie pass, that's half a dinner/movie date paid for. Good deal, huh? I'm looking forward to going on a date sometime next month. It's been a long while since we've done anything together.

Jeff is working hard...50-60 hours/week. It's either no work or he's working 6 days a week. lol. Where's the medium? But I certainly am NOT complaining! We've got a lot of catching up to do. I am so grateful that he's working and I'm thankful for all of my internet friends who kept us in their prayers.

What have you been up to? Have you been busy with the holidays? Baking? Crafting? Travels? Give me the run down...I would love to hear from you!

Thanksgiving Weekend

2011-11-25T14:15:00.000-08:00

Did you have a nice Thanksgiving Day? Did you do the whole turkey dinner, or do like my brother and stay home alone with a pizza and a movie? We did the family thing. It's nice in one way to go to someone else's house in that I don't have to kill myself cooking all day. But at the same time it has its downsides too...NO LEFTOVERS!!! That's the worst! I don't know about you, but I can't live without leftover turkey sandwiches. That's tragic. The solution? TWO Thanksgiving Days!

Yesterday we spent the day with family at a relative's house. The kids played so nice together all day long. I made a comment to Sami about that and she quickly said, "Don't get used to it!" lol. Sami doesn't usually socialize with the rest of the family, but guess what? I've got proof! Here's a pic of her here playing catch with Matthew and Dad....

There were some small kids there...maybe 2 and 4...and my big kids played so nicely with them. They taught the little kids how to play Smear the Queer, monkey in the middle and just generally ran around with them in the yard all afternoon.

I made my kids stop and take photos. Sara? No problem! She's such a ham!!! She loves to pose. Here is her modelling shot...

And another posed play shot...

This year we opted out of buying the outrageously overpriced and poorly shot school photo packages for the kids. I knew I could do better and way cheaper on my own. Since the kids were all dressed nicely and everyone was in a good mood, I took my own school photo pics...

Maybe I could have found a better backdrop for Sara and Matthew, but I was trying to avoid having other people or weird things in the background, so I decided on the stucco wall. I took Sami's on the wall, too, but all the ones I took of her looked like either a mug shot or a forced, fake smile. No good. But when I took a photo of them together on the hammock, I loooooved the way Sami looked, so I cropped her out and made that the individual photo too.

I took a photo of my 3 kids together on a hammock, and I think they are the best pics of the 3 kids I've had in many many years. I am so excited!

I bribe them to take nice pics by telling them they can do a goofy one after I get a good one. And, my husband NEVER takes good photos. His eyes are very sensitive to light, so he's either squinting or has his eyes closed all together. I got so lucky. Yesterday was overcast so he wasn't wearing his dark dark dark sunglasses, and it was light enough that I didn't need the flash. I'm so happy to FINALLY have a good photo of my hubby!!! Here is Jeff...

I had the best bargain on the planet this morning! I took my photos on a CD to Walgreen's to their photo kiosk thing. I picked my photos, sizes, etc...I got about 6 regular 4x6 prints, 8 wallets of each of the kids and 4 wallets of Jeff, 4 5x7's and 1 8x10. You know how much it cost? Just under $22!!!!! They printed up beautiful and vibrant on glossy paper. The 8x10 was only $3-something. My jaw dropped. I am going to have to take advantage of this more often!!!! The kids' school photos would have cost me at least $45 ($15 for each) with NO 8x10's, and certainly not one of them all together looking awesome. I was doing the happy dance in Walgreen's! And it only took about 10 minutes to get them printed up. I'm so excited! It usually works out that we pay all that money for the kids' school photos and then I never give them out because I don't like them. These I am so proud to give out. And I can't wait to get a frame for my 8x10 and hang it on my wall!

THEN tomorrow I will be cooking all day because as I said earlier, I can't go without my own turkey and leftover turkey sandwiches. Got a 21pounder in the fridge. I only have a very tiny wall oven, and this turkey will just barely fit. I'll have to bake the pies and green bean casserole starting at 7 a.m. so I can get the turkey in by 10a.m. so it will hopefully be ready by 5p.m. My parents will be coming over to have dinner with us, and then after dinner they will sit and watch a movie with the kids or something.

All in all, a very good weekend. I am bummed out a little bit, though. I haven't WON anything in about 2 weeks! (oh, the horror!) I'm going through "winner's high" withdrawals. Better win something soon to get my fix!

I hope you all are having a great holiday weekend. Drop me a line and tell me about it. I'd love to hear from you!

Loving Fall

2011-11-03T04:38:00.000-07:00

I think Fall is probably my favorite time of year. In October the temps here in Phoenix finally drop below 100 degrees, and the nights actually get a little chilly. In November we start sleeping with our windows open. Love the crisp air and getting snuggled under the blankets at night! I just can't sleep when it's hot, but when it's chilly I always sleep so much better and soundly.

Fall is also a time of sports activities. Matthew plays football and Sara is playing soccer again. This is Matthew's best year at football so far. He has always been a good athlete, and Jeff (who usually coaches his teams) says that he is the most coachable kid. He may not be the strongest or the fastest, but he listens, learns and applies the skills. But this year in football he is becoming much more aggressive and really coming into his own. It's so much fun to watch him play. Their team is 4-2 on the regular season and next week starts the playoffs. They have lost twice to the same team, so maybe in the playoffs they'll finally beat them. That sure would be nice to stick it to 'em! Anyways, here is a little video of Matthew's highlights from the last game. It is only 1 minute long, so go ahead and watch it.

Sara's team still has quite a few games to go, and they have only lost 1 so far. She said the other night, though, that next year she wants to play football with the boys instead of playing the co-ed soccer. lol. But daddy said no. He's afraid his girl (as tough and as strong as she is) might get hurt. I would worry more about her hurting someone else!

Another thing I love about Fall is baking. Twice last month I made my grandmother's apple spice cake, and it is DELICIOUS!!!! Soooooooo moist. I'm thinking about looking for recipe contests and entering it to see if it will win a prize. I'm thinking about adding dried cranberries and chopped walnuts for a little more flare. I'll have to try that and see how it tastes. During the holidays I always bake cookies with the kids to take to the houses we visit. We always make chocolate chip, oatmeal, sometimes molasses, sometimes peanut butter, or we might find something new to try. The cake will be a great addition to what I usually make. Do you want to know my secret for home made chocolate chip cookies? I've got 2...First, after mixing up the batter as directed, add some extra flower to make the batter thicker. Your cookies will get fatter and softer. Second, UNDERbake your cookies by a minute or so. While they are cooling on the rack they will continue to cook a bit in their own heat and will turn out perfect.

The kids had fun with Halloween this year. For the first time in quite a few years they carved pumpkins. The pumpkins were on sale at Fry's for just $3.88, and they were good sized ones too! Here are some pics...

Matthew didn't like the squishy pumpkin guts.

Sara embraced the squishy pumpkin guts.

So did Sami!

Sara was the best gut scraper of the 3.

Sami's finished work of art.

Sara's pumpkin with string hair. Daddy helped a little.

And here are some Witchy Kisses!

Then of course the anticipation of the holidays is starting to build up. I just love the winter holidays. And this year is super sweet because today Jeff starts his job on a build out at Intel. For those of you who don't know, he is an electrician with the union and commercial construction has been way down because of the economy. He has only worked 3 months this whole year. But the jobs out at Intel usually (knock on wood) last a while. So this will (hopefully) be the first year in quite a few that he will be working through the holidays. Even though he's going to start getting checks we will still have to live like paupers because since he was off for so long our savings got depleted paying the bills. Now we have to put every penny we can back into savings to get that built up again for the next layoff. In construction they pay you to build it, not watch the paint dry. So as soon as a project is done you're laid off and go back down to the hall, put your name on the books, and wait for your number to get called for the next job. When the economy was good he'd get laid off one day and within 2 days he'd be out at another job. Right now it's 4-6 months between jobs. I know, sucks, right? I'm really hoping that this Intel job will last long enough to carry through to some better times.

I'll leave you with this cute/funny pic. Matthew is notorious for cleaning up everyone else's plate at dinner. One of his favorites is wiping up the spaghetti sauce with garlic bread. Here he is with not just his plate, but also Sami's plate AND Sara's plate. Hey...they left sauce! :)

I'm a Winner Winner Chicken Dinner!

2011-10-21T19:25:00.000-07:00

How lucky are you? Have you won very many things over your lifetime? Bingo? Lottery? Raffles? Radio contests? When I was younger I used to win quite a bit of different things. Winning is fun. It's also very addicting. One day a couple months ago I watched a show on I think TLC (could have been A&E) called Extreme Sweepers. Have you ever heard of extreme sweepers? I hadn't either until that day, and then after the show I went to my computer and started right away because it seemed like a lot of fun on the show.

So what is it? People who make a living off entering all kinds of sweepstakes and contests. It's mostly done by internet, but there are still mail-ins and local businesses will often have give aways for products or services. So I spend about 2 hours a day on the computer and I enter about 175-200 contests every day. Sounds like a lot? There are short cuts to make it speedy like automatic form fillers so you just click a button and your info gets filled in on the form. Then there are websites that list contests and allow you to keep track of single, daily, weekly, and monthly entry contests.

A lot of people say it can take 6 months to a year to start seeing results from your efforts because the contests often last a long time before they close. Some people enter every contest imaginable because whatever they win that they don't want they turn around and sell on ebay for cash, which is how they make a living at this. I don't enter everything. If I don't particularly want the prize, then I don't enter. I also don't enter sweepstakes for trips unless it's to a college football bowl game, a trip to Ireland, or a trip for the family to Disneyland. But even though I've only been doing this for 2 months, I already have some small wins under my belt. I even got another one this afternoon.

So far I have won a $25 Visa gift card, a prize package from V8 worth about $100 (includes products and a $25 WalMart gift card), a full size tube of fancy mascara, a free movie ticket, (hehehe...get this one) a decorative toilet paper roll canister, a bottle of carpet cleaner and today I won a fleece throw from Sealy Mattress. My winnings come to a retail value of about $180. The only only prizes I've actually received so far are the movie ticket voucher and the Visa card, and the rest of the stuff can take up to 10 weeks to arrive. But when my things start coming in it will be like Christmas when the mailman comes. And I'm actually looking forward to seeing what design I get on the silly little toilet paper canister. lol

All of these little wins I'm hoping are a good omen of bigger prizes to come. I'll keep everyone posted periodically on what I've won. It's fun! You should try it!

New Dinner Night

2011-10-19T20:34:00.000-07:00

I want to thank Carol so much for sending me the idea for this dinner. Last post I asked for suggestions, and she was quick to respond. (btw...kipper, I tried to respond to you, but you have your email set to "no reply". If you read this, I would like your recipe, too.) Carol suggested Bisquick Impossibly Easy Pies. We've always got Bisquick at our house, and "easy" sounds good to me! I went and googled it, and a ton of recipes came up. I had no idea there would be so many variations! The one that stood out to me the most was for Chicken & Broccoli Impossibly Easy Pie. Chicken, check. Broccoli, check. Bisquick, check. Cheese, definitely a check. And then the staples, eggs, milk, salt, pepper. Oh, and some onion. For sure these are easy ingredients!

Instead of making mine in a pie plate, I doubled the recipe and made it in a casserole dish. My boys eat a lot, and a little ol' pie just wouldn't do. Here's the cooked up pie...

Chicken & Broccoli Pie

Sami's Vegetarian version using Quorn brand chicken instead of real meat...

Hers had lots of cheese on the inside, so I didn't put any extra on top. It looks a little plain on the outside, but it's definitely cheesy and yummy on the inside.
We don't worry about pretty plates in our house. I just scoop it up and it lands on the plate as is...

My hardest child to please is Sami. Matthew, he likes just about anything I put in front of him. Sara is a little hot and cold. But Sami? She's a tough one! She took a few bites and I asked her how she liked it, and she said, "It's deliciousness!" Yea!!!! EVERYONE in the family loved it. EVERYONE had 2nds. In fact, they all liked it so much that this is what the pan looked like a few minutes later....

Hardly a crumb left!!! In fact, Jeff even finished off the edges Sami left in her dish. This dinner is most definitely getting added to my menu list! Thanks so much, Carol, for the great idea!

Here's the easy recipe (this is for a pie plate portion. double if you want to do a 9x13):

1 box (9 oz) frozen broccoli cuts, thawed, drained.
1 1/2 cups shredded cheese
1 Cup cooked chicken, cut up in bites, or 2 cans (5 oz each) chunk chicken, well drained. (I don't know about you, but I think fresh is the only way to go.)
1 medium onion chopped (1/2 cup)
1/2 cup original Bisquick mix
1 cup milk
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp pepper
2 eggs

1. Heat oven to 400F. Spray 9" glass pie plate with cooking spray.
2. Sprinkle broccoli, 1 cup of cheese, chicken and onion into the plate.
3. In medium bowl, stir remaining ingredients with wire whisk or fork until blended. Pour over other stuff in pie plate.
4. Bake 35-38 minutes or until knife inserted in center comes out clean. Sprinkle with remaining cheese and cook 1 to 2 minutes longer until cheese is melted. Let stand 5 minutes before serving.

It sure does live up to its name...IMPOSSIBLY EASY PIE. I hope you will give it a try. Look up some of the other variations, too. There are a ton!

Quiet Weekend

2011-10-16T15:42:00.000-07:00

Do you know why it's a quiet weekend? Because the Nebraska Cornhuskers had a by week! My dh is an absolute fanatic when it comes to Nebraska football. Oh, my Lord. You just don't even know. Or maybe you do. Maybe you or your s.o. is a maniac fan of some team too. As soon as Nebraska football comes on tv my peaceful husband turns into a raging lunatic. And it's not in a good way. He screams at the tv (I'm sure all the neighbors can hear, he's so loud), he cusses, the veins in his temple pump and pulse. He turns angry. His team isn't as up to par this year as he would like. And all this screaming and yelling causes soooo much tension in the house. Sara wants me to take her out somewhere. She hides in her room and occasionally yells at him to stop. So do I.

But this weekend I got a break! There is no Husker football on this weekend! Now I just need to prepare myself for next Saturday. oy.

Sara had a soccer game yesterday morning, and her team won 5-2! Yea Knights! I don't particularly care for her coach. He doesn't really teach them anything, and he favors the boys of a certain ethnicity and rarely changes them out of the game for other players. Sara played goalie the 4th quarter and she made a really great save, but my camera work is not the best. you just catch the end of it. It was a high kick that would have gone in the net over her head, but she jumped and stretched and pushed it over the goal. It was pretty sweet. No goals were scored on her that quarter!

She hates that goalie jersey! It's a hideous yellow and green plaid. She hates having to wear it, and Jeff said maybe he'd take her out and get her her own goalie shirt that she can wear and be fashionable in. lol

It's going to be a fun night tonight, too. Our family has been waiting sooooooo long for this night to come. Why? Because we looooove the AMC show "The Walking Dead". And tonight is the 1 1/2 hour season premier!!!! You can bet we'll all be glued to both tv sets. The kids will be sprawled out in front of the one in living room, and Jeff and I will watch in our room. What happens, though, is that the kids tend to migrate onto our bed after a creepy scene with lots of zombies. I am entering a contest every day for a trip for 2 to visit the set and become a zombie for a show taping for next season! I would soooo love to win that! I put it in Jeff's name, though, and the kids would have to fight it out over who would get to go with him. If you like zombies you have got to check out AMC's "The Walking Dead" on Sunday nights!!!

That's my weekend. What are you doing this weekend? Anything fun? Drop me a line to my email or leave me a comment here and let me know what's up!

Ma's Diner

2011-10-13T19:40:00.000-07:00

I feel like my best contribution to my family is the food I feed them. Since going on disability and my slow recovery from terrible agoraphobia, my main goal is to remain stable mentally. My main jobs are to do the grocery shopping, cook dinners, make home made lunches for the kids to take to school, and playing taxi driver. It doesn't seem like much, I know. But you have to understand that my agoraphobia first started with an anxiety attack in a trip to the grocery store. So that has always been the hardest place for me to go since then.

My family loves my cooking, and it's so important to me that they enjoy their food. They say that a lot of it looks like cat puke, but it sure does taste good. And Matthew (11) says all the time that I would win if I were on the Food Network's "Chopped". He says I just need to add a leaf to finish off my dishes. lol

BUT

I am sooooooooo sick of my overly done menu. I'm so over everything on it. I have a list printed out with the main meat categories of chicken, beef, pork and "other stuff" (like breakfast for dinner). Then I list the meals that I make with each of those meats. THEN instead of me going crazy trying to figure out what to buy each week I take the list around and tell everyone to pick something off the list. Mexican chicken is one that everyone picks, so that has to stay on my list.

What I need are some new and fresh ideas. I sure would like some input from you out there on your favorite go-to meal. I have been searching the internet for new ideas and found a Tex-Mex Chicken & Rice casserole that was a hit that I'll do again. And last night I did a Mexican Minestrone (vegetarian) that my vegetarian daughter didn't touch and I think what made it a hit with the other 3 was that I served it with my famous guacamole and some tortilla chips. I don't think I'll add that one to my cookbook or my list. Do you have a recipe that you have served in your house for your family or for guests that is always a hit? Please tell me!!!!!

I also have to make 2 separate dinners every night. I make the original recipe for 4 of us and then a vegetarian version of that recipe for my non-meat eater. At first that was such a hassle, but I continued because I love and now it's just second nature. The only problem is this...I have 1 skillet, one pot and 1 little saucepan. And a couple mixing bowls. I have plenty of casserole dishes in several sizes and I have a big crockpot. Is there anything you can contribute to the cause? I'd love to hear from you!

Tonight's dinner was a family classic. Bean slop. Sounds yummy doesn't it? Not! lol But it's ok. All it is, is 1 pound of ground beef browned, add brown sugar (maybe 1/2 Cup) to the beef and stir it up so the meat is coated in carmelized sugar, and then add a large can of baked beans. For Sami I use Quorn brand "beef" crumbles, brown sugar and vegetarian baked beans. Then when it's bubbly you serve it open-faced on hamburger buns and eat with a fork. It's one of Sara's favorites. But I'm tired of it and didn't eat dinner.

I need help! Please share your recipes! But NO FISH!!!! eegads I don't like fish. Or innards. I don't think I could make liver or anything like that. ick. We eat mostly chicken, pork and sometimes beef. And the one thing I have no idea on how to cook is steak. I'll try making what you share, take pics and post on it. :) And I'll share some of my family's favorites with you too.

My Little Politician

2011-10-11T06:14:00.000-07:00

Well, I would like to start off my new adventure in blogging by showing you a video clip of my 9 year old, Sara. She came home a couple weeks ago and told me she needed help writing a speech. I asked her what for and she said that she was going to run for 4th grade Vice President. I know you're thinking the same thing I asked..."Why Vice President and not President?"

"Because everyone is running for President! I'll have a better chance of winning if I run for Vice President." And you really can't argue with that logic, can you?

I decided to surprise her and go down to the school the day of speeches and video tape her giving it to the school. I was a little surprised at what technology is like these days. They no longer stand up on the stage in assembly at a podium and talk into a microphone, staring at hundreds of blank gazes. Nope. Not any more. Sara and about 6 other kids came into a small classroom with just a few chairs in the middle of the floor. I was pretty confused. The kids came in and the teacher started giving them the instructions. They would each have a turn to sit in front of the laptop on the table in front of the webcam. Then they would read their speech that the teacher typed in on the teleprompter. Then the videos of all the speeches would be shown at a later time over the school's internal TV system. How crazy is that???!!!

I video taped her video taping her speech. lol. Here's the clip I took...

She's a little hard to hear, but it's only a minute and 17 seconds long, so go ahead and listen to what she had to say. That was on a Wednesday. They didn't show the speeches until that Friday. But guess what! Yep! My girl won! She is now part of her school's Student Council and goes to meetings and all those things. What a great start for her! If she keeps it up, being on the Student Council in High School looks good on scholarship applications. I know, I think too far ahead, but this early intro to those types of things is priceless.

I'm soooo proud of Sara!

Welcome!

2011-10-10T06:14:00.001-07:00

For those of you who know me from my Indigo's Beads blog, thank you for stopping in at my new digs. If you are new, thank you too for coming by, and I hope to get to know you. I invite you to visit my Indigo's Beads blog if you want to get a good background on me and my bead hobby.

Why am I starting a new blog? As much as I enjoy blogging about beads, I was feeling very restricted and claustrophobic. I felt I was too limited as to what everyone wanted to hear from me, so I decided to create something that was a little more all inclusive and true to me as a whole person.

I will include beads here, but I also want to feel more free to talk about my family and other hobbies too. Just an overview of everything that's going on. I hope you will stick around and see what I have to share. Hopefully you will have fun reading my blog, visiting me and getting to know me. I love meeting new 'net friends!!! As always, feel free to email me at indigosbeads(at)live(dot)com anytime. I would love to hear from you!